On my relationship and the pain of absence
If you’ve followed my career to this point, you’d know that, once more, I’ve had to set up somewhere else in the world. While other moves were fine or in some cases, bittersweet moments I eventually powered through, my current jaunt to Western Canada has left me a wreck.
No, its not due to looking for a job or anything like that, instead, I miss my girlfriend.
What began as a low-key affair forged in the messages section of a normally sub-par Tinder account turned into thoughtful gifts, living together and deep thoughts about the future. It sounds absurd to people who don’t know me, but I find I’ve been slightly transformed by this woman.
She has pulled me from my doldrums, forced me to re-think many absurdities I once considered sacred and even managed to get me to enjoy mowing the lawn (something my father can attest I usually loathed doing in my youth). I am in awe of her kindness and sensibility, but, thanks to absurdist policies and other complex issues neither of us can affect, she is currently far from me.
To be blunt, I hate it and I’m a mess. Seeing her hairs in my sink leaves me so emotional I can’t even stay in my home when I find them.
There’s nothing I want more than to spend all of my money and fly to her right now, wrap her in my arms and get lost in her presence, but I know that would not be feasible. At the end of the day, she’d still be of one nationality, and I another, separated by stupid bullshit that those in power don’t care enough about to fix unless it affects them or their wealthy donors and owners.
So, for now, I’ll wait. Though I have fear about my ability to handle seeing someone from a distance, she believes in me and I believe in her. My friends believe in us, and ultimately, if you’ve got the support from people you care about, there’s nothing you really can’t handle.
I love you my sweet N., (if I’ve mentioned her name here before go nuts and find it). In time I’ll be with you again, you’re the best thing in my life and I don’t want you to ever not be part of it.