Hey kids, it’s me here again with another check-in on my ever curious and irreverent blog. I’m doing well, have my health and am pretty happy with my current job (For the moment, after all, things can always change on a dime.). Like many in the journalism field, I keep my various emails public so that people can contact me at their leisure if ever they have a story or tip on an item of some sort which I would consider newsworthy. But, with that also comes a ton of spam.

And lord almighty, do I get spam. There’s spam for erectile pills, spam for Asian women dating sites, spam for hair growth products and even the odd letter from a member of the Kaddafi family. But, all that doesn’t compare to an item I received in my encrypted email this week.

It begins with the following paragraph…

“If you’re reading this, I sent this email from a hurricane Harvey shelter in Louisiana. A woman in a nearby shelter made numerous emails available to some of us waiting in line for our F.E.M.A applications to be approved, so that we could “take our lives in our hands” and perhaps touch the heart of someone out there individually to assist us in any way they can. I can’t thank you enough for taking time out of your probably busy schedule to read this.”

Automatically and because I am a person with a brain, I knew this was bogus. But let’s dissect this is a bit. How the hell does one make numerous emails available for people waiting in line? An email isn’t a physical item. That right there dear reader, is bullshit alert number one. In addition, why would this woman not capitalize the Hurricane in Harvey? She’s seen the news, she likely knows that the various media outlets do it. By that logic she would subconsciously.

Again, this is another indicator that this email is a gigantic load of Hitler’s Diaries level nonsense. But later on, it gets so much more hilariously incompetent. Observe below…

“I have a 3-year-old daughter named Lisa, and we are currently living in a damaged roadside car while waiting on our turn to apply.”

What? How the fuck would anyone believe this. Earlier she wrote that she was at a F.E.M.A shelter, but now that’s dramatically changed to a ramshackle car on a roadside? Bullshit!

And finally, in the last line, the absurdity comes to a head.

“I don’t have a bank account, and my phone lines are generally unavailable around here, but if you can find it in your heart to help, I will find a way to receive what you send as quickly as possible for my daughter’s sake.”  

What person would possibly believe an individual does not have a phone or bank account in this day and age? Yes, some poor individuals do not have one or the other. But I’ve yet to see an individual in my life who in their adult years did not have both. Ultimately, this shit will continue unabated, but from time to time people need to speak out on it like I have. Take care dear reader and if, for some reason you see an appeal for Hurricane Harvey aid in your inbox, do what I do with all of the other spam but also weirdly relevant to my interests emails and delete.