Right now as I sit at my desk and write this, I’m living in the same area that Ted Cruz resides in when he goes to work on forwarding conservative legislation in Congress and towards the American people for greater scrutiny. I’ve seen the Capitol, the lost Civil War fort in Rock Creek Park and even patronized the same eatery that Madeline Albright does every now and then a bit.
However, in the face of all that excitement, I can’t shake my nerves.
Yes, I think it’s subsided a bit, but as the time fast approaches where I will begin the next phase of my college career, the sleepless nights are continuing and becoming more difficult to endure.
I think that primarily comes from the challenge ahead of me. When I start at AU, I have to go through an introductory “Boot Camp” course that I need to earn at least a B on in order to even continue on during the school year. I’ve had similar stress before, but that class required just a C and I made it through by the skin of my teeth, I might here too, but I guess one never knows.
Or, perhaps it’s other things that are troubling me. In the dating sphere, I am increasingly feeling like I am way too unaccomplished for anyone who resides within the region as a whole. When out with someone who works as a translator at the State Dept., it’s hard not to feel like a moron.
And of course, on top of all that, I’m also trying to find a way to stay in the nation for good. As I’ve written about previously, that is no easy venture. Nothing would please me more than to move to the country for good, but it’s so difficult that I worry it will never work out for me.
Bottom line is, I clearly have a lot going on right now and if I am being honest, I don’t know how any of it will work out and am frightened by the uncertainty. In one scenario I could fail miserably, end up suffocating under a mountain of debt and spend my days in a dead end small town. In another, I could somehow find a job, a way to stay in the nation I love so much and finally attain the peace that always seems to be so elusive. Obviously I’d like the latter, but the universe will probably throw something else my way, and that is so god dammed annoying.
Just once in my life, I’d like things to go exactly how I imagined they would. Historically that has never been the case, but much like the time I was out running and a bird managed to poop in my eye, there’s a first time for everything. Stay tuned dear readers, in the coming months you will either witness my spectacular downfall and me being eaten alive by the city, or you’ll end up viewing my spectacular rise to prominence and stability in a new land I would love to call home.
I’m sure it will be neat either way.