When I last left you all in this series’ prior installment, I had documented my first week with the sloppy goo. Below is a summary of week two, my view of the results and a concluding thought.
On January 15th, I published a post detailing my first week of a largely Soylent based diet. Initially, I didn’t know what to expect but found myself surprised that I was taking to the mixture and even beginning to like its chalky pancake batter taste and liquefied cardboard coloring. Though I was enjoying the mixture, I’m ashamed to say things took a turn in week two.
When I woke up on Day Eight, something immediately felt wrong. Inside my stomach, a strange and deeply painful sucking feeling was going on. Imagine if you will that someone had taken the power nozzle from a Hoover and shoved it into my gullet. That’s what it was like. Between soirees to the bathroom every fifteen minutes and eating all the yogurt I had in the fridge (Two boxes of the tubes. I know, I know, I’m childish.), today was a waste of time, in all ways.
After the bad experience of Day Eight, I decided to switch things up a bit on Day Nine. Today, I made myself a small meal of some rice and a couple of eggs. Nothing fancy, just something to replace my morning Soylent glass with. All in all, the switch up wasn’t so bad. Yes, it really screwed with my psychologically in that the smell of the cooking eggs actually made me physically aroused, but hey, you have to take what you can get. At least I didn’t cum anywhere.
Now on Day Ten, I switched back to exclusively using Soylent, but decreased my glass size and increased the number of drinks consumed. Instead of once in the morning and once at night, I shifted to four times a day and even added in a small bit of grape Kool Aid powder for flavor. Productivity wise, I felt better on this system and was able to get more accomplished than when I was on the two glass method. Weird I know, but somehow that’s what occurred.
From there, Day Eleven and Twelve were uneventful. The only thing I have to say about these two days of the experiment is that the grape powder radically altered the color of the watery poop that Soylent causes one to produce. What was coming out looked like Grimace’s blood.
Day Thirteen was the day that when read about will cause those more concerned with my well-being to excoriate me. I’m an experimental guy and the one thing I had yet to do with this substance was work out while using it. So on this day, I tried to do that. Whilst running on the treadmill at my shitty apartment complex, I am ashamed to say that I collapsed. Yes, after one glass of Soylent and waiting for a couple of hours I thought I would be up for some physical exertion, I was wrong my diamonds. When consuming this substance, make sure you’ve gotten your full days serving before you do anything strenuous. It could have been far more severe.
Finally, we’ve come to Day Fourteen of the experiment. Upon procuring a scale I discovered much to my delight that I actually lost five pounds on this diet. In addition, I also can report that I have been able to completely exclude vitamins of any sort from my consumption patterns (As Soylent takes care of all ones necessary daily servings.). Though those good things did come up in addition to the taste, there were some bad things as well. I was more tired at points where I shouldn’t have been and perhaps due to my eagerness to get started didn’t read the powder’s instructions fully. You’re not actually supposed to start a Soylent exclusive diet immediately like I tried to. Instead, you’re supposed to gradually ease yourself into it over time, I’m an idiot.
But a generally healthy one, and that’s what counts. If you’re in the market for a new diet, I proudly sign off on this product. It’s a little complex at first, but with time you’ll enjoy it.
These posts will be cross posted to Menstrait.com, a site for guys who don’t feel the need to compensate.