The following is from my personal archive. Originally I wrote this in 2015 and submitted it to an underground magazine in San Francisco for publication. Not sure if it ever actually ran or not.
It has been said by many a scorned woman that underneath all their bravado and machismo, all men are dogs, pigs or assholes. Though many would be quick to disagree with that assessment, it really is true. For me, I was once a total Lothario when it came to women that I would be intimate with. I’d spend a day or two with them and then move on. Always sticking to a type (Skinny and dumb). That is, until summer 2014 when, for the first time in my life, I slept with a very fat girl.
I was down in Los Angeles working as an intern at a very prestigious media company. When I wasn’t in the office helping with various production duties, I was visiting friends in San Diego or chasing tail all across LA County, Usually through Tinder, Whisper and on occasion, Craigslist.
After spending an evening with a very nice Asian girl who later told me that I was so bad at sex that she decided to not cheat on her boyfriend anymore, I decided to shake up my normal routine.
Now, I was going to look for a freak, someone into utterly depraved shit.
After getting off of work on the 20th of July, I spent the night on my computer looking for a girl into BDSM. I tried my usual places and much to my surprise found nothing. So, in a moment of utter laziness and perhaps a bit of desperation, I typed “Kinky Dating” into Google and hit enter.
And that is how Fetlife entered my summer,
For those that have never discovered this strange corner of the internet, Fetlife is sort of like Facebook, but for people that own far more leather than any normal person. You create a profile, upload pics, have a wall and even join groups. I explored on the site for a little bit until I found Ashley*. She was 22, in my area, and according to her profile, looks weren’t important to her.
*Name changed for privacy reasons
I sent a message asking if she wanted to meet up and waited. While watching bad television to keep myself busy, I had one eye locked on my email inbox, wondering if she would respond.
At Midnight, she did.
“Want to come over right now? ;)”, read the message.
Being the adventurous and somewhat cautious man that I am, I grabbed my jeans from off the floor, put a sharp key in my back pocket and drove over to her place in Culver City. As I moved down the deserted streets, I began to wonder just what the Hell I had gotten myself into this time.
Finally, after about a 15 minute drive, I got to her place. I parked outside, walked up to the door and ringed the buzzer. A shadow appeared in the window and the doorknob began to turn.
Poetically perhaps, she looked nothing like her photo.
Where the Fetlife image depicted a smoking hot Caucasian girl with red hair, here in front of me was a 250 pound woman who would not look out of place playing the tuba in a marching band.
I stood there in absolute shock. I was stunned, puzzled and was just about to walk away when Ashley began to speak.
“So, aren’t you going to come in? I am in a GIVING mood,” she said before licking her lips.
And so there I was, faced with a complex choice. I could drive back home, or I could boldly go where I’d never gone before, I asked myself what some people I admire would have done, and I went into her home.
That night, I learned that no matter how tall, fat, short, thin, pretty or ugly you are, anyone can be skilled at being physically intimate. She blindfolded me and cuffed me to the bedpost and well….let’s just say that in addition to a fond memory, I also was left with a very sore pelvis.
I left the city in August and never saw her again. Though, every time I am with a lady who is a little curvier, I can’t help but think of Ashley and the good time she showed me that night.