At some points in my life, I’ve considered myself to be a scientist of sorts. I mean, what man hasn’t experimented with mixing different soda’s in boyhood, dabbled in different hobbies in adolescence and in my case, who could forget the Soylent diet that I went on for two weeks?
All of those were successful experiments, so perhaps it’s all the more stinging that my most recent exploratory venture is coming to an early end at the start of this upcoming week.
Yes, my time in the Southern United States is coming to an end. I’ve left my place of employment and the position that ultimately turned out to not be a good fit for me.
Is it humiliating? No. Humbling? I would say most definitely.
In all the years of experience that I had had in both my personal and professional lives before this point, I had always perceived myself to be a man who with enough grit and determination could accomplish anything I wanted. Whether I was having difficulty academically or wanted to teach myself some sort of new thing in my spare time, nothing ever really seemed totally out of reach.
Now, as I begin the early stages of my mid-twenties, I’ve learned that that naïve state of mind is a falsehood. Like a disabled man who wants to be a professional tap dancer or a mentally unstable woman who decides she wants to impregnate a man, there are some things I can’t do.
Though I didn’t take to this job and did not acquire a fondness for this region of the country, I will thankfully get another chance to prove myself come July. Once that month rolls around, I and Raj will be making our way out to Washington D.C in order for me to pursue a masters in journalism and public affairs. Having one communications degree has proven to not be as worthwhile as I thought it would be, so perhaps a second will boost my profile in job apps.
Or, maybe it won’t. Maybe I won’t take to the work at all. Perhaps, like the recent position I vacated, I will be utterly incapable of writing news and publishing pieces related to public policy in an effective manner. Perhaps I will fail and be forced to take a demeaning job in Canada.
All risks to be sure. I won’t lie when I say that I’m nervous for what lies ahead, but at the same time I’m still massively excited. Unlike my four years getting my bachelor’s where I wasted most of my spare time, I intend to make the most of this upcoming and incredibly crucial school year. Gone is the brash and unfocused me. I know what I want and am certain about how I must achieve my goals. I’m wiser, far more humble and have a much better grasp on my limitations.
This time around, I will leave a substantial mark. Something for all to see that won’t result in me returning to the Southern United States to take a job I don’t believe in or one I won’t be good at.